You put the laptop on your lap, you give the last sip of coffee and leave it on the table unconsciously while the typical American film of murders ends.

As every weekend, your mother scolds you for not leaving your room. Being a bookworm. Having no social life. So you open facebook in order to satisfy the desires of your mother somehow. You wish to got on huge heels, with perfect makeup and dining out in the most chic restaurant in the city seized the boy you love the most. But no, people do not realize that things are not so easy.

Lower down the slope chronology of the life of others. And you get depressed. You get depressed because, while they criticize you, you run to search for files in your computer where there are those videos and photos you both took. Because nobody has an idea of how much I miss you. How much I miss you taking my finger, putting your hands on my face and scratching it with your small nails. Because nobody imagines what I would give to hear you laughing or pursuing with your clumsy steps and throwing all to the floor. Hear how you try to repeat everything I say.



Because nobody imagines how the distance hurts... 

...And the time

...And the coffee grounds that your life leave around your house.

STOLEN PARADISE

Nine months under torture, including books, notes, class works and highlighters to waste this summer in this absurd way. However, I guess, that's how I am (They are doing to decide) deciding to live it.

When did I allow other to control my life? When did everything change so radically? Why I'm stuck between four walls instead of enjoying life while I walk by the seashore? Does the seashore? Is that my paradise? The mountain? A boat trip? Going into space? Who knows??

Paradise. A simple word that simbolizes our necesity to get the last step of our life called happiness. That step that we only get once or twice a year: on holidays. 

I define paradise as a warm place, full of crystal clear water and white sand, exotic forests and birds getting me up in the morning with their chirping.

A place where tranquility overwhelms me and the distraction fill every pore of my body to make me forget loneliness. 

A place where people are not selfish and where happiness, sympathy and generosity fill people. 

If religion defined paradise in its own way, "beautiful and peaceful place where, according to the Bible, lived the first man and the first woman after creation", why cannot I define it?

LET'S START WITH THE END

And the day when you realize what you're doing comes: You are picking a marguerite up of your neighbor's garden. You are sitting on the sidewalk, away from the world and focusing on your thoughts, feeling the lyrics of the music coming out of your ipod. You begin to pluck the marguerite, but this time you dont ask for "Does he love me? Doesnt he love me?", This time you ask for "Do I really deserve to go through this?"

Remember all the bad time. All those moments when nobody was sacrificed for you, all those moments when you were replaced for everything, or all those moments you had to take a deep breath, smile and take the call and pretend nothing happened. But of course, also come to your mind good times as how much it cost he to ask you date, his stolen kisses, his hugs, his messages, his bad jokes or his ironies. And... you smile.

You feel empty and full at the same time. You need him but you want to make him pay with the same coin.

It has been exactly 10 months and 18 days since it all started and believe me, I do not regret anything that happened between us. Love sucks, but ... what would be a life without love?